I wrote the poem "360 Pounds of Tears" twenty-five years ago. Back then poetry had always been a casual outlet but it was never anything serious. A moment would happen and I would write it down.
Unfortunately, I lost that poem, but the feelings remained. The poem described my fear and the pain of being heavy. It went deep into how much I struggled with how the world looked at me. There were defining moments that cause me great pain, like the time I was standing at the bakery counter and two little girls looked at each other and whispered "look how fat that man is!" And then there was the time I was walking down the street in Santa Monica, California and a group of guys droby by and screamed at the top of their lungs, "Hey, fatso!" I was devastated.
So . . . it started with that. The pain and isolation stirred up a fire inside me. I was full of questions and deep down I wanted to badly to be loved.
I finally had fallen in love for the first time in my life. After forty years at age fifty-four I found the love I had been yearning for. We got engaged and spent lots of time traveling and building our future. It was a dream. But as easy as love can sweep you off your feet it can also end. It ended . . . and my heartache brought me to started wirting.
Basically, I woke up one day and heard a voice . . . "Sounds of Sorry, Not of Command." I listened to my inner voice, and I started writing. The words began to pour out of me like a bleeding pen.
I would write and write and write, and afterwards I would read what I wrote. I felt like I didn't know who really wrote it, even though I knew it was myself holding the pen. The words were beautiful. I then discovered I had an ocean of emotions needing to come out onto the pages. I was a poet.
Writing became my healing process. I began tapping into something bigger and greater than me. I showed my brother and he turned to me and said brother . . . "I think you got something here . . ."
So I just kept writing and listening, and when the moment happens, I put it down on paper.
I would summarize the book as a connection with God, life, the unknown, hurt, pain, joy, acceptance, and most of all, love . . .
I believe there are many forms of love, and I think that everything we do is for love . . . Everything we do . . . So that is why I wrote the book of poems . . . 360 Pounds of Tears.
|Black and White
|6.000" x 9.000" (229mm x 152mm)
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